scourgingstars | ★ // lifeaftr inbox

[It's foolish, Ignis knows, bringing food to a man who doesn't eat, but the woven basket he carries has a small container of the apricot sweets he made nonetheless. He supposes he could pass it off as some kind of bribe to get his sunglasses back from a certain bird, but he has greens in the basket for her already. Well, if Ardyn feels a fraction of the messed up that Ignis does--likely he feels worse if he will admit to it that is--then maybe the odd gift will just be ignored.

The Chancellor is good at ignoring things he doesn't care to see or feel after all.

Ignis knocks just once before slowly slipping into the shack.]

My sunglasses are missing once more which leads me to believe your daughter thought you needed a visitor.

[She's such a good daughter. Looking after her papa like that.]

...then take it up with her and get out of my sight.

[Whether he'd admit to it or not, Ardyn even sounded like he'd been hit by a truck, slumped back against the wall like he'd passed out sitting upright. He'd been what passed for 'asleep' with him until a short while ago, for how badly he'd pushed himself with careless overuse of his own magic. Curled up beside him on the ground was a slightly smug chocobo, munching on some greens before picking up the stolen sunglasses with a helpful kweh as if to call attention to where she was.]

[Ignis replies to the gruff response with a soft hum, using both Ardyn's words and Hresvelgr's soft kweh to place their approximate positions. He walks forward, eventually settling onto the floor in the space in front of and between Ardyn and his beloved chocobo.]

Here, darling. Lets trade, shall we?

[He offers the greens he's brought to her, accepting back his sunglasses. Instead of putting them on, though, he slides them into his shirt pocket.]

You could just close your eyes, you know. That's a much easier way to get me out of your sight than ordering me to leave is.

[She nuzzled against his hand before giving up the sunglasses, quite content to eat her delicious reward for it.]

Would you prefer simply 'get out'? I've no interest in arguing semantics, and even less in dealing with you.

You tell me nothing I don't already know.

[Ignis lets his fingers gently move through Hresvelgr's feathers as she eats.]

But when this is over...I'm going to be furious. I'll push you away and say or do anything I can to chase you off. Sometimes, I think we know you better than you know yourself. So, do get it out of your system so that we can talk like adults.

Or perhaps I actually don't wish to speak to anyone. But by all means, do continue pushing and making yourself a nuisance. It's not as if I'm completely exhausted and in a terrible mood, surely this can only go well for you.

What do you want.

What I want is to remind you you're not alone. What I want is to be allowed to offer you comfort, but since that's about as likely as you suddenly deciding the color white suits you better than black, I suppose I'll just have to be content with you not bodily throwing me out of here.

[Ignis tenses slightly then, almost as if he is full expecting that will be the next thing Ardyn does, and pulls his hand away from Hresvelgr's head so he doesn't accidentally pull her feathers.]

If you don't want to talk, then fine. We won't talk, but I'm not going anywhere for a while. Not unless you force me to go.

...

[Ardyn didn't say anything in response to that, leaning his head against the wall in exhaustion. Much as he wanted to pick Ignis up by his collar and deposit im right outside the door, he didn't remotely have the ability right now.]

[Ignis lets silence hang in the air for several moments before pulling himself to his feet and making his way over to sit next to Ardyn. It puts him in striking range, but he's willing to take the risk, even going so far as to let his head fall back against the wall in an unintentional mimic of Ardyn's pose.]

Tell me what it felt like to watch Bliss burn?

[Because if he could have been there, he most certainly would have been.]

The same way vengeance always feels.

[Ardyn didn't even bother opening his eyes to answer--what was Ignis going to do, kill him?]

Absolutely spectacular.

It's a shame we can't set Bahamut aflame so easily.

[Ignis huffs softly, amused.]

For a man who's lived hand in hand with vengeance for two thousand years, your descriptions are sorely lacking. I'm not as familiar with the feel of vengeance as you are. Describe it to me. Do you feel it like a warmth in your chest? Does it clear your head like a cool breeze on a hot day?

[For a long moment, Ardyn didn't answer--if he slept at all, it might have been fair to think he'd done just that mid-conversation. But at length he spoke again, voice flat and worn down by overexertion.]

Imagine what it would feel like to have the Draconian himself buckle and collapse at your feet. To put sword or flame to the source of your problems and make them suffer more than you ever have. It's satisfaction by definition. You feel justified in it, because you're right to repay what's been done and want to see that feeling reflected a hundredfold. It feels like getting all that you could ever want and deserve.

Imagine how it would have felt if you could have struck me down on the altar and tell me you don't know what vengeance is.

[Ignis is silent for several moments, giving Ardyn's words the careful thought they deserve. He's trying to be honest, not only with the man beside him, but also himself.]

I believe I can see what you mean when speaking of Bahamut. I feel much...satisfaction, as you say...with the idea of both he and Bliss bowed and suffering, but vengeance was not what I had in mind when we fought at the alter. I was thinking of nothing more than protecting Noct and doing everything in my power to see to it that the vision I saw never came to pass. If that meant sacrificing myself to stop you there, then so be it, but vengeance never crossed my mind. Instead, I was focused on preventing a world where Noctis didn't survive from existing because it was the last thing I wanted. No would without him could ever be right.

...People like you disgust me. You and the High Commander both--parading about playing the hero, acting as if any motion you took could ever have made a single difference in the ultimate outcome. No matter what Ravus did, he was barely even a pawn with no ability to move beyond his constraints. And you-...did you truly believe it mattered?

I wasn't even going to kill your precious king that day. So what you did to stop me was pointless. Why, I'd say 'look where it's gotten you', but that might be a bit difficult, nay?

[A soft, bitter tinged laugh slips from Ignis' mouth.]

Yes, I've quite figured that out at this point. You played me very well, I dare say. Not quite well enough to get me to come with you so you could bait your little trap at the Keep, but well enough in the end considering you had your scheme with Prompto all ready as a Plan B.

However, whether or not I succeeded doesn't matter.

[Actually, it does matter, but that is a different point, for a different time.]

What matters is that at least I tried. I tried and refused to just be buoyed along by the Prophecy any longer once I found out what it really demanded.

[Once before Ignis had accused Ardyn of doing exactly that--giving in. This time, oddly enough, Ignis doesn't do so again.]

I'm going to keep trying too, pointless as it may be. This is what I want and what I desire. I can do no less, just as you had done no less in your quest for vengeance all these years.

And it didn't accomplish anything whatsoever. The gods care nothing for the struggles and desires of mortals--or immortals for that matter--and the finale will always remain the same.

Your pretty words about protecting your king mean nothing to me. And if you've deluded yourself into believing them, that makes me your enemy. So if you would hold to that pathetic illusion of loyalty, then leave me alone.

[Ignis' answer is almost immediate this time in the form of an amused huff and him rolling his head so it comes to rest on Ardyn's shoulder.]

I'm afraid it is far too late for me to just leave you alone. You and I both know that. The world is not black and white. This is not as simple as you are trying to make it out to be, but I won't give you too much grief for that pathetic attempt. I know you're tired. Even the brightest minds turn to mush when exhausted.

[Another long pause followed that, Ardyn making no move to push Ignis off of him. It wasn't worth the effort he could barely exert, and clearly that was the only reason.]

[But, eventually:]

...so that was what you imbecilic mortals call 'happiness', was it? What a poorly manufactured lie. I've no idea how I didn't see through it far sooner.

Because you were happy.

[Since he hasn't been pushed away, Ignis is content to leave his head where it is.]

There's nothing wrong with admitting it. At this point, it's very clear to everyone but you there is more than just anger and rage left in your heart.

I don't want to hear that from you. You fall for a shadow and a thought as if you were some lovesick child and then you claim to know me. You know nothing of this. If there should be even a shred of anything else, it's but a single thought drowned out by deafening noise. A whisper in a riot, at best.

It doesn't matter. That sentiment was nothing but a lie. I couldn't feel such a thing again even if I wanted to.

Despite not hearing the whisper, it is still there, and a single thought does not cease to be just because it goes unspoken. These things are still a part of you and as long as they are, then you can feel happiness again. You just don't want to.

[They've argued about if Ardyn is afraid of acknowledging these things before and it got them nowhere, so while Ignis thinks it, he doesn't mention it. Instead, he just sighs.]

I can only know you as well as you know yourself.

...

[Ardyn didn't answer, which this time might have been more damning than any argument he could have attempted.]

[It is, and it honestly surprises Ignis enough that he lifts his head from Ardyn's shoulder and turns a look that is part concern and part confusion his way.]

Ardyn? Are you all right?

...no. I'm never alright. I've not been anything close to it in longer than a mortal like you can even truly conceptualize.

I wasn't truly feeling anything even in the desert, simply going through the motions as that damnable island dictated what should have felt right to do. It wasn't quiet even then, just easier to ignore. Like the white noise of an improperly tuned radio. But there, in that false Insomnia...I could hear it no longer. I couldn't feel this perpetual writhing under my skin, and I was no puppet being shoved along into what logic said was right with no sentiment behind it.

This existence is torture prolonged by this miserable island after I was sure I would at last have it brought to a conclusion. Perhaps I deserve quite a lot, but I have done nothing deserving the agony of persisting like this. Least of all while being taunted with the remnants of what I can be no longer, lest it be crushed out beneath a weight you've no way to understand.

Right. My apologies. It was a foolish question.

[Ignis bows his head slightly, lips pressing into a thin line as he fights back the guilt he feels listening to Ardyn speak. Perhaps, he really is just a lovesick child. After all, there is part of him that wants Ardyn to stay, to learn how to live and feel happiness again. If he truly loved the man, wouldn't he want to give him what he wanted more than anything? Ignis had promised to help him find his peace if that is what Ardyn truly still wanted at the end of all this, but deep down, the advisor knows he will do anything in his power to find some other way. It feels dishonest and dishonesty has no place in love.]

I tried to keep this simple, you know. Black and white. Chancellor and healer. Life isn't that simple, though.

[He huffs under his breath.]

Especially not with the Astrals meddling in it. But, you are right. Who you were could never handle all this alone. He would be crushed almost immediately. Fortunately, you two are parts of the same whole. You just need to remember how to work together again.

★ // lifeaftr inbox

Post-Bliss Battle By a Few Days

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject